I don’t know if it’s only on my side, but the side chicks have had it well this Easter. Men are finally going back to their homes with the lame excuse, ‘Nimekuwa matanga ya Yesu’. Which of course, no sane wife will buy. ‘Yesu ni wewe na watu wa kwenu!’, she will reply, with a wet leso wrapped around the poor man’s neck, ready to strangle him if no better explanation is forthcoming.
This Easter as well, I’ve had plenty of time to hang out with friends, and I will admit, there were some really juicy stories flying around. One is that of a man who refused to take his wife to a ‘chamaa’ bash, explaining he had other urgent errands to run. So the wife takes a taxi, and just as she arrives at the party destination, she notices the hubby’s car parked in the same compound. Curious, she dials his number, he receives, and says he’s out of town, ‘network bad I’ll call you later’. Even before the wife absorbs the obvious lie, he appears with the neighbor’s daughter locked in a romantic embrace. I’ll leave the story at that point, trusting your imagination to successfully complete it.
Husbands are choosing mistresses over their wives. I’ll not ask why, I really don’t care whether it’s because you’ve added 100 pounds, or your tits are saggy, or any of those stupid untrue cliché explanations on why married men cheat. If a man wants to cheat, he will cheat. Period. Whether you look like Halle Berry or you do monkey style in bed. It’s high time we stopped giving bullshit explanation for a CHOICE men make.
Mistresses are running this country. They are driving the cars the wives shudda been driving, living in the mansions the wives only read in magazines, don’t even ask where other women’s husbands take them for vacation! It is a fast race, I tell you. Living life on the fast lane. At this moment, being a mistress is the most profitable part-time job available. Women, you should apply. Men, this is your opportunity to reduce unemployment in this country.
Not every woman chooses to be a mistress because they are broke. Some enjoy the freedom and luxury of dealing with a ready-made product, you know, like having ready-to-drink juice instead of going through all the hassle of personally diluting the product. Someone else has already brushed his shoes, tied his tie for him, ironed his suit, taught him how to wipe his nose, how to chew when visitors are around, etc. The WIFE has laboriously prepared and served you. Well, not really served you, but she’s done a tremendous job, saved you sweat and blood.
A friend of mine tells me, ‘Mimi kazi ya kufua na kuokota socks staki, bibi yake atafanya hizo’, wait until you see the wig resting on her head, am sure hata the wife has never even dreamt of owning that.
But honestly, why struggle to get a good education, a job, get yourself a life, and finally put all this on hold to create a home for a man who will eventually cheat on you anyway? You tie his tie another woman unties it, you fasten his belt another woman unfastens it, you minimize his household financial costs another woman spends that cash. Ah!
So if you are married, just stay there. You already got yourself into that mess. Am not saying if he’s not cheating already then he’ll eventually cheat, but you know, man cannot live on fish alone. And if he cheats it’s not because you are no longer pretty or a good cook or any of those lies, it is because he CHOOSES to. Men don’t need a reason to cheat, they just need a place to lay the other woman. They actually don’t have a reason for so many things they do, like keep placing bets on SportPesa despite the fact that he is always losing.
To the side chicks, I envy you people. You clearly have it all figured out, don’t you? Just stay there, trust me the moment he elevates you to wife position another woman will take your previous post. So don’t move. He cheated with you, he’ll definately cheat on you!
Share the money though!!!
 

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