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My Two Cents…End Month Hustle in Nairobi

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It’s end month. You are already paid, probably not. So you are sitting at some corner at Jevanjee Gardens jotting down a list of sources of all your financial woes. You see, you are a bachelor and it’s actually harder for you than for a married man. It is not rent or monthly shopping or money for that dude who collects your trash that’s troubling you, it is women of Nairobi.
Those pretty powdered lasses that shove past you in the busy streets everyday. The eye-candies that walk in and out of your small, dusty HR office applying for a job that you only dream of yourself. These women have bore deep, dark holes into your pocket. All that’s left is loose change, that the makanga will rudely swipe off your hand and still demand, ‘buda hii haitoshi. Ongeza mbao!’ Then you’ll furiously shake your wallet for that ka-twenty, as H-Art The Band’s ‘Uliza Kiatu’ plays in the background.
You heard Rita is nowadays a kasoshiorait, she doesn’t have loads of money yet but you know, she is getting there. So you want Rita, because it’s the in-thing and it’s definitely cool to be known as the guy who is dating a socialite, that means you gat swag, and swag is good! Rita likes you as well, you buy her nice liquor and nice clothes with money you don’t have so that she can beat nice photos to post on Instagram. She needs the followers. It is crucial for her career.
Today you are sitting at Jevanjee, reflecting. It is hard to keep up with society, man that dude is fast! Sometimes he stops and fools you you’ve finally caught up, then suddenly vanishes out of your sight. The son of a canine! He leaves you drained, angered and hopeless, in the middle of tao with 30 bob in your pocket. What for?
Relax bro, these lasses ain’t going nowhere. But then that’s the problem. Someone said they are from Venus? Hello Venus, would you like your tenants back? No? I thought so.
It is Friday, your are psyched up for the weekend, and now humming under your breath, ‘My boss won’t put me down, my friends can’t bring me down…’ Might be true, but dude, a woman can bring you down, and glue you there. Be wise.
Happy weekend!
 

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